Disco Anyone?
by Vana Telcontar
Summary: What the... what's going on? Rodney is the only sane one left and too worked up to be able to think of a way out. McWeirness included of course COMPLETE


**Disco Anyone?**

**By:** Vana Telcontar

**Disclaimer:** I'm not legally insane yet.

**Rating:** PG-13- language and an adult scene

**Warnings:** This fic is short and... a tad strange. If you find vague adult content offensive, I suggest you turn back right now. You've been warned.

**Pairings:** McWeir (DUH!!!)

Just a random thing I thought up when I was almost done with my Halloween Masquerade fic. I thought it was funny, so here you go!! Lol Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it!

Well you can tell by the way I use my walk, I'm a woman's man, no time to talk.... -Dances off stage-

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"All right, keep a sharp eye for any Wraith activity everyone," John said as the Stargate shut down behind them and they made their way down the dirt path and through the large field dotted with bushes.

"No readings on signs of technology," Rodney stated, looking at his handscanner.

John nodded that he understood when a bush shook nearby. Instantly his gun came up and trained on the bush. He stepped a bit closer to it, trigger finger tensed.

"Whoever's there, show yourself!" He called out, knowing Aiden was backing him up while Teyla and Rodney looked on curiously, but a little suspiciously. The bush shook again.

Suddenly a black-clad form with white skin jumped out from behind the bush, startling them.

"Boo!" The Wraith cried, hands up in a clawing motion and half-crouched down.

John kept his gun trained on the thing, but looked completely confused, seeming to expect more.

The Wraith stood straight. "Did it work? Were you scared? No? Here, wait a second, let me try again. Forget you saw me yet."

AT-1 stared with their mouths hanging open slightly and John and Teyla traded looks that seemed to say "What the fuck is going on?"

The Wraith jumped out again but this time he was dressed in a baby blue disco suit. "Boo! Break it down!"

All of a sudden a disco floor, complete with flashing floor tiles and a silver disco ball hanging from the air, appeared. The Wraith instantly began dancing as Staying Alive played from the very air around them.

"Ah, ah, ah, ah, staying alive, staying alive," Aiden sang softly after a moment of shock. He walked forward, dancing slightly, as the other three gaped some more.

Before their very eyes, Aiden's regulation uniform changed to a disco suit in white- complete with white platform shoes- and he grew a _very _large afro.

Getting up on the stage, he joining in the disco dancing with the Wraith.

"Uh...." Rodney uttered intelligently, looking over at Teyla and John, who seemed as perplexed as he was.

Teyla and John shrugged as they came to a decision, John's clothes morphing into another disco suit- but in red- while Teyla's became a short black dress. Both joined the two already on the dance floor.

"Come on, McKay! This is fun!" John called, standing beside Aiden with Teyla on the end. Aiden performed a twirl then, one hand in the air and the other on his belt.

Rodney just stared, looking from Teyla on the left, to the Wraith on the right, his mind whirling as the song came to an end.

_What the hell is going on?!_

Suddenly, all four of them broke out into chorus in the most random song ever, lead by the Wraith.

"I'm a little teapot, short and stout, here is my handle, here is my spout...."

They seemed to be getting closer and he started backing away. Still the stage flew towards him, always approaching. The song switched back to Staying Alive and they stareted disco dancing again, the stage chasing him down with it's dancers going full force to the music. Finally he turned and ran back to the Stargate. Something was wrong and he had to find Liz.

He stumbled, glancing over his shoulder as he reached the DHD. He turned back and yelped, falling over at the shocking sight.

The Stargate was purple, fuzzy, and had giant black eyes floating in the middle of the event horizon, which was actually on already.

"What's wrong, Rodney?"

Rodney turned around again and saw that the disco stage, complete with his team and the Wraith, were no longer there and instead there was....

"_Elizabeth?_" He squeaked.

The leader of Atlantis was dressed in a rather... _skimpy _black teddy and was gazing at him with a heated look he had never even hope to see directed at him.

"Yes, Rodney?" She breathed, stepping forward, flashing bare hip with every step.

"What the.. what the hell are you wearing? And what's going on?" Rodney was starting to really panic now, even as his mouth went dry at the sight of her dressed like that. Everything was turned upside down, the world was no longer the way he knew it.

Liz pouted. "Don't you appreciate this?"

"Uh, I," he was at a loss for words as she walked towards him. He backed up, but was quickly pressing against the DHD. "Uh, Liz, there's something very wrong going on. Uh, for example, this isn't you, and uh, since when does Aiden disco dance? Or Teyla, for that matter? And when are the Wraith _nice?_"

"Oh, Rodney," She said, pressing against him and running her finger down his chest. "You don't have to worry about that anymore."

"I don't?" He asked, voice going up an octive as she pressed her hips against his and twined one of her legs around his.

"No. I'll take _good _care of you from now on," she promised, gazing up at him with innocent eyes that begged him to take her. He was in a very dangerous situation.

"Uh, Elizabeth, this isn't such a good idea...." Rodney stuttered.

"Oh, why?" She asked, obviously not paying attention as she was paying careful detail to slowly undoing and removing his button up shirt- when had his clothes changed?- and distracting him a bit.

"Uh...." Rodney tried to remember what his argument was. "Because...."

"Don't you find me attractive, Rodney?" She whispered.

"Well, yes, of course, but that's not the point...."

"Then what is?"

"Uhm, I can't.. remember exactly.... Would you stop doing that? it's distracting."

Liz giggled, but stepped back and suddenly started to change. Rodney stared in horror as Liz was replaced with the Wraith keeper John had mentioned killing.

"Don't worry, Dr. McKay, I'll take care of you," she hissed, stepping seductively towards him.

Rodney screamed and scrambled around the DHD and towards the... Furbie-Stargate. He stopped in horror as it blinked and looked back at the advancing Wraith queen, then at the Stargate, whose eyes closed in a happy sign and it... cooed.

He was trapped and as the Wraith queen bore down on him, forcing him back towards the Stargate....

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Rodney came awake with a start and looked around as he sat up, broken into a cold sweat. Well, as far as he knew, the Wraith didn't dance on floors that appeared from nowhere and could give people seizures, or sing I'm A Little Teapot, _or _wear disco clothes, so he was safe. With a loud exhale of breath, he plopped back down. That image of Liz had been nice to a point though. He sighed and closed his eyes. He wasn't going to be able to look her in the eye for days.

His dreams just kept getting stranger and stranger....

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**A/N:** LMAO!!! So? What did you think?!

Can't you just see John in a disco suit?! I see him as being the one wearing white or blue, but still... Lol I can just imagine this entire horrifying trial.... -Shakes hip in Rodney's direction as he stares in terror- Lol! Can't you see John and Teyla dressed up and going to a disco club? I don't know why, but it just seems very likely to me. Lol

Please leave me a review to let me know what you thought!! They're all I survive on!

- V.


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